Talking to humans is so....🤬

I really wish I knew how to talk to humans.
To them over a text or message, I’m always fuming.
That’s really not the case.
Taken entirely out of place.
If you ask me what’s wrong, I will tell you .
If I answer and you feel I’m attacking, nope Sadly not even true.
I’m going through my issues and I keep it in.
Because of past experiences, I don’t know how to begin.
You feel. I feel . We both see it differently.
Having miscommunication overall is very common for me
It is there very consistently.
I want to say just listen before you come to your own conclusions.
You could be wrong in just believing in that
Illusion.
I’m not even mad or trying to get there.
To jump down each other’s throat, how is that fair?
It’s like we don’t even care.
As we begin to come around.
Take the time to listen to the sound .
Of me
Apologizing.
I do try to communicate as best as I can.
If you don’t get where I am coming from , raise your hand ,
Let me know
Let us just speak so you can understand .
As a man
I am bound to make mistakes. I’m
Not fake. No give or take. Just look at my
Face.

Look at it this way

I have this habit of reading into things.
Seeing every strand and everything in between.
Kinda crazy you would think or so it seems.
Well that is what happens when you overthink.
Not even giving yourself the chance to blink.
So much is going on inside your head.
Too much thoughts, kinda wish I didn’t have any instead.
I mean the bad thoughts that bring me down.
Thinking of good thoughts can turn my day around.
Getting back to the point of all this.
Yeah I do read into things but if I didn’t do it.
I wouldn’t be who I am today.
It’s not always good Taking people at what they say.
Giving me false hope , come on man don’t play.
Save that for someone else,I’m nobody’s prey.
Okay.
If I decide to read in between the lines
Then people would have time
To understand why I read into the lies.
I need people who can be real with me.
Always woke, I have to be.
To see what I see, you would have to put yourself in my shoes.
Not many can handle it, it is more than you can chew.

Blast dat Noise

Yo man, Fuck today.
That’s what I say .
All work and no Play.
Man do I need to pray.
For me to be okay .
At least I’m grateful to be here.
Here for all these years.
Trying to stay visible so I don’t disappear.
When will that opportunity come near.
As I spit these rhymes , hold my beer.
Look at this guy.
Wayy to high.
Rhymes are too fly.
Hence my view is the sky.
Trying to stay alive so that I don’t die.
Yeah I’m different from all others.
Respects to my sisters and brothers.
Looking out for one another.
Not giving handouts motherfucker.
Am I really trying to rap?
Well I do spit facts.
No money equal no tracks
Damn these random anxiety attacks.
Telling stories through these rhymes,
still on earth though, so I have time.
As I write, I feel fine.
Talking back to you in German ,Nein!
So let me wrap this up.
Got me some orchard I need a cup.
Have to keep to cool so I don’t erupt
Where she at? I’m trying to F....jk
😂😂😂😂
Nah that’s not happening with my luck.
Another 1 by Jynex
Think this one is Da best
 It’s a lot,What to do next?
Brain overloaded let me rest

Drunken Master writes a poem lol

Man oh man I seem to be tipsy
I wonder who would miss me.
If I were gone far far away from home
Does anyone know.
How I am honestly
I don’t think I’m that much of creep.
I actually care.
Yeah maybe at time I do stare
But it’s because I’m amaze at what I see
Maybe me and you can be on our own team.
I would like it a lot , wouldn’t you.
It be very cool.
Out of this world
A weird guy and a fantastic girl.
Shit what I am. Saying this  drink is getting to my head
It’s good thing I’m in bed
But I rather write before I forget
Always writing but what to write next
Maybe I end up writing about S....
You know what best
If i take this moment now to rest.
Let me not be that guy .
After I wake up , I might say. Why??
Why did I post this
Last night why did I drink that shit..,
Oh well even when I drink I can write
On that note . Have a good nite

Part 2 -Kono Yarou 😐

Hey you....😐
I guess this would be part 2.
I hope going away doesn’t make me the fool.
Breaking down is always hard.
I always seem to wander off pretty far.
Just so that I can escape.
Escape the reality of this particular landscape.
Where I put myself down.
Where I feel like no one is around.
Always feel like I don’t do enough.
I really need some charm cause I have crap luck .
I don’t mean to push anyone away.
Let me just say....
Does the bird stay quiet or will it sing ?
Me going ghost isn’t a permanent thing.
Right now, I just don’t know what to do.
Rather not take out my frustration on you.
You ,I speak of are my family and friends
Understand
This isn’t the end.
I will continue to keep on with these rhymes.
These rhymes will lead me into better times
 Then everything will be fine.
After all ,in the end the sun always shines.

Going Ghost....for now.... please understand

It’s official , I reached the boiling point.
I should relax , probably roll up a joint.
Seriously though, for real it’s actually bad.
Trying so hard to be happy only to overwhelm myself and be sad.
I’m sorry now , I have to go ghost .
You know what hurts the most .
Talking about this.
Writing about it and still end up feeling like shit.
For those who think of me doing something dumb.
Don’t worry I’m not, that’s not at all fun.
I’m writing this poem as a note.
At the moment , I don’t  see any hope.
Don’t give on me please okay.
Even though its bad , please try to stay.
I have to go away for my own mental stability.
How I can’t I help anyone else if I can’t help me?
So please understand why i do this and what it means.

To obtain Strength

I need to find peace and for that I need strength.
As I write this down I will explain what I meant.
Strength, what it means to have it .
Confidence to face any challenge.
The challenge would be to stay consistent.
Unfortunately, depression is persistent.
So stupid.
Each day I do try to work it out.
Through the wire fence of doubt.
Through the negative voices that are loud.
To the eyes that look at me and never change.
Giving me the look of shame.
Whether it’s someone I know or not.
That look always make me like I just got shot.
That’s why I draw strength from writing.
Without it , life is so tiring
I would be lost at sea.
No direction on how to get back to the beach.
All that matters is that I keep trying.
Giving up is the just as the same as dying
Strength is the necessity to overcome the negativity in order to regain the positivity.
All these activities.
I can’t be stagnant , I have to keep busy.

How it feels when I try to explain myself

Brain is overheating
Way Too much thinking
So freaking mad right now, so much emotion.
Not as vast and wide as the ocean.
Still though, it’s pretty deep.
Why do I have this feeling?
Is there a overall meaning?
Sometimes I just don’t know who to talk to.
I feel like at times it is me and not you.
I reach out and hope to have a conversation.
Instead I get very little information.
One word answers and the fact that they saw it.
Yes I know, busy and all but come on. Shit
I love myself because I see what I can do.
I can be in the bottom of the pit and still pull through.
I see that. How come no one else does.
Only seeing me for what I was.
I had my fair sense of issues.
Listening to tunes while feeling the blues.
Yet that is some old news.
See the man for who he is now .
Seeing past the man who used to shout.
Right now...
I am trying my best.
To do what’s right for me and to know what to do next.

Looking Back to 2008

Looking up toward heaven for an ounce of hope.

Yet one hope still believes that something can be done.

I squirm all around thinking of anyway I can run.

Run away to nowhere, anywhere but here.

From the Inside my head is so full of fear.

Feeling as if my surroundings can never truly understand me.

Reality, well for me is quite depressing. 

Tomorrow is another day but I get stuck in the past.
There are some memories I wish that could last.
That could be the reason on why it is hard for me to move on.
Focusing on these memories as I listen to these songs.
"Breaking the Habit", "Sleeping awake", and "Breathing."
These songs were my anthem in my twenties.
Being in the thirties all I do now is look back at what was.
Just Because.
I don't feel as if I belong here in the present.
In 2008 i was content.
Just being me and what I could do.
as a youth.

I don’t know where I was going this.

Can I ask you a question if that’s okay.
Trying to figure out what I can say.
I do have trouble conversing with those who like to converse.
I love anxiety, jeez it’s the worse .
I like to be apart of something, rather than nothing because just the idea is comforting.
Don’t we all ?
Wouldn’t it be better to rise than fall.
But it all starts with a question
A question of good intentions
Scared of said reactions.

can’t do this half-hearted, sorry I’m not fraction.
It’s either zero or a hundred, no in between
So Simple and clean
No no not like the amazing song
No wait that is what’s wrong .
What the hell was I writing today
Trying to figure what to say .
I guess I’ll figure it out
It’s hard to write when your brain is full of doubts.

My voice...

When I open my mouth sometimes, the wrong thing may come out.

I want my voice to be calm but it’s just easier to shout.

Half the time people say they can’t hear me.

Always seems to be mumbling.

Well then,  I can hear myself.

That’s obvious if I’m alone in the room with nobody else.

My voice.

I wasn’t given much choice.

It’s what I was born with. 

Back then when I was mute ,To speak was a gift.

As my grandmother would say, I could talk forever.

I guess that's why I have to choose my words carefully more than ever.

Words have power, sharper than any blade.

Add a little bit of hope and they can light up the darkest of caves. 

That’s where I am right now but that will not always be.

Down there it’s depressing.

So my voice no matter how it sounds will bring me up.

It’s not all about luck .

Faith has a lot to do with it too.

How else can I explain it all to you? 

Thought we were cool...

I thought we were cool homie , but now I’m not so sure.
The concept of friendship to me is pure.
You are there for me , I am there for you.
Together through this bullshit we will pull through.
I guess for some people that’s not the case.
Smiling in your face at your place while being fake.
How am I suppose to have faith?
You tell me you busy while you hang out with others.
You mother—-
Hold on let me not go there.
Shouldn’t I try to be fair.
Not lower myself any lower
I should continue to just move forward.
I’m done with people who lookout for themselves.
Stabbing me in the back and then saying oh well.
It don’t work like that man.
I try to understand
Why you do what you do and it makes no sense.
Right now though, let the separation commence.
Don’t need you or your sympathy.
Yes you have helped me
Understand that was a time of necessity.
If you want to hold that over my head , I gladly leave.

Can’t Fight This Feeling.

Back then I knew what this was but now I’m not so sure.

I try to closing it off but now it comes up more.

Should I open it or choose not to say

It’s one of many questions I have in my mind today .

At times I can be Indecisive.

That is what happens when I’m left to my own devices.

The brain can be a funny thing , I should know.

Thoughts upon on thoughts, heading into the unknown.

As I write down these nervous lines stemming from my mind

Heh see what I did there , oh wow that rhymes.

I express my thoughts so I can make sense of things.

Tender feelings that remind me of the Lightning.

Is it possible to feel that again after all this time?

Too feel that again Is this fine?

Don’t overthink

Will the feeling be gone if I blink?

No

Just Breathe

Open your eyes and take it easy.

Regrets

Patience is virtue and so is kindness.

Both are substitutes to violence.

I don’t like conflict and so I try to do my best.

To not be like the rest.

Yet...

This path I’m walking on, I have some regrets I wish to express before I lay down to rest.

I regret not listening enough to you when it matter.

Why did I start to listen after everything shattered?

I regret not being there for when you needed me.

After all I considered you my destiny.

I regret closing myself off to society.

To meet new people brings me so much anxiety.

I regret not asking for help.

Not realizing by not asking, I didn’t know how you actually felt.

Those choices I made,  didn’t help in the end.

Through life harsh lessons helped me to understand.

Even though they are gone, days goes by when I am thinking of it. 

How much of it I actually miss.

The memories of a better time.

When I was just starting to write rhymes.