Drunken Master with another one.

Lean with me but how
A shoulder would mean so much right now.
Drinking till I feel the buzz.
Drinking in the afternoon that’s nuts.
Why am I thinking about this girl?
I swear in my mind she’s my whole world.
I cry about her.
She moved on to another.
I don’t know how to go forward with myself.
Today I know I how I felt.
Low with hope for the future.
Will it ever go back to normal ? That be super.
The drunken master is here writing another poem.
Can I have happiness that’s not on a loan.
I just want to not feel this pain anymore .
Seems like I have to deal with this and more.
Just a struggle to go to the store.
Trying to explain myself but then I second guess.
Shit what the hell I do that for.
I drank because I was sad , don’t judge me.
I know it’s not the answer but right now i feel like a nobody.
Yeah a girl left me and moved on but I really cared.
Once again I’m saying why this isn’t fair?
But there is so much going on is there.
Quarantine is a thing
Everyday is something.
I hope this gets resolved quickly.
Please god please.
It feels like prison right now but I know with you I can feel free.

Accepting it for what it is.

When something is out of your control, it is what it is.
Whether it be family , friends, jobs or relationships.
What do I seek out of all this ?
Peace is my only wish .
In order for that to happen, I have to be accepting.
Accept the good as well as the tragedies.
Accept when I’ve done all I can.
Accept when it is time to understand.
Love every part of me.
Love the outcome of what can be.
It’s a warm feeling to feel this way.
That was then and today is a new day
After all the pain...
It’s good to find something that keeps you consistent.
After all ,depression is persistent.
So here I am saying as well to you out there.
Life isn’t fair.
We start from a place and end up somewhere.
Remember that you are important and that you belong here.
Bask in light and don’t give into fear.

???? leaves me...

Do I make everyone leave me ?
I feel like I do and it’s not intentionally.
Hold on to my feelings , no I can’t  anymore.
Those feelings have flown out the door.
Hurts so much, crying is so hard to do.
Same day different thing, nothing new.
 I may sound negative but it’s what coursing through me.
Pain, guilt, Tragedy.
Don’t ever say it doesn’t matter to me.
Of course it does that is why I am hurting.
It always hurts when you keep it in.
Like a grenade with a pin.
Pull it out and throw up.
Boom and there it goes. Shucks...
How else am I suppose to get through it?
Oh yeah I’m stuck in quarantine.... Shit
Boatload of cards and games.
The collection I have is insane.
It doesn’t compare to the pain.
Makes all that stuff seem useless in the end.
Depression is always there and he’s no friend.
Not shutting out my friends, please understand that.
Not much you can do when I have anxiety attacks.
Going through hell of course.
Have to collect myself and my thoughts.
What else can I do....

Just want this to stop....😔

Does it ever stop.

Wanna tell my heart, can you not ?
Trying to breathe, in and out.
Hard to do that when your mind is full of doubt.
There is no sound coming from my mouth.
Words seemed to be empty.
My sad feelings are all free.
Free to keep  me up instead of sleeping.
X or Juice wrld.
Listening to both thinking about the same girl.
It sad they are both gone .
They made some relatable songs.
Lucid Dreams overall is just straight Sad.
I cannot even be mad .
As much as I would like to be.
Disappearing....
For a ghost like me, it would be easy.
Ghostxero
Sry I’m not hero.
Just a villain who took to long to reveal his masterplan.
Wait, isn’t the card banned?
This ain’t yugioh, it’s in the real.
Trying to stay alive long enough to get to the next meal .

It’s what I wanted to say but I couldn’t

Why do I care so much about you?
Why do I care about what you do?
I didn’t see that I needed to pay attention.
How I blew up on you and saw your reaction.
How I saw that I wanted it all to end.
It would have definitely affect my family and friends.
Yes ,I did say I did not want to be in a relationship.
My feeling had stayed the same and now it’s all just bullshit.
Time doesn’t wait for anyone and especially me.
Another Tragedy
Can’t really take too many of these.
C-Virus already causes me much of my anxiety.
Dying on the inside, chest pain Is really sharp.
Behind that chest is a broken heart .
But that’s because I never did express,
What came next.
I don’t feel like jynex
Instead I feel like Steven.
No this is not a plan to get even.
I can’t do that to you or myself.
For me at the moment there is nothing left.
I don’t have a back up plan .
Right now myself I don’t even understand.
I’m not sure if I ever will.
Still....


I figure I should write  this down because I don’t think I will able to say this again.
It hurts too much to sleep. It hurts too much for me to be happy for you .
It’s hurt that I am affected whole heartily by this and there is nothing I can do but cry and accept it and try not to do anything dumb.  I can’t talk to you there because if I were him , that would be straight up disrespectful and I’m not trying to do that . It may not mean anything but I still do have feelings even though things have change but now I don’t think I can ever love anyone like I did before.

Another sad ass poem

As I write these sad ass poems about myself struggling with love.
Can’t always look down when I can look above.
Why do people only see that sadness in me.
Telling me to be happy.
Well I can be happy just wish you could see it.
I’m not always knee deep in shit.
I’m not always broken all the time.
After all  I’m still able to write a rhyme.
It’s all I have left , don’t really have much else.
Wondering if anyone can relate to how I felt.
How it felt to lose everything.
Crap 🤬
Well not everything. Just what brought me back.
To a better time and a better place .
To see that someones’ special face.
But it’s too late.
Now I am alone with this cheesecake.
Man bump this slump
Out there running like Forrest Gump.
Seriously though, I just want that same feeling again.
To show myself to my family and friends.
Not to hide behind a mask and smile.
Unfortunately, for me this is going to take a while....

Rolling out of control

Can’t eat or sleep.
Can’t lie down or even dream.
That’s been me for the past few days
Figured it was best to write what I want to say.
Okay
Here’s goes nothing.
Can I feel anything?
Of course but mostly regret.
This shit , who knew it came next.
I mean one person knew and the other was unaware.
Is that fair ?
Of course not. Look at life.
I thought I could handle the strife.
Alas, no I couldn’t even fucking try.
Mentally it feels like I’ve already died
Back then and even now, why do I always mess up?
Fuckity Fuck
can you understand ?
What am I going through ?
All I do at night is Remember you
Now all that’s left is this broken dude.
Will I get better? We will see.
Can  I remain hopeful? Hopefully ...😔

Don’t know what I’m going to do.😔

Boy this week was hell but ,I was not expecting this.
 Damn Coronavirus
People who are just being silent.
Someone who moved on.
I do, correction I don’t know how to handle that at all.
Everyone has answer for when you fall.
Get it over it , it happened there nothing you can do .
Yes that true.
Even so that’s not even cool.
Not an ounce of a fuckin care there bruh
I’m just supposed to know how it works gov?
Spiraling downward
No motivation to move forward.
As I am left behind
With old memories from better times.
I think I will just stay here.
Until I see myself clearly.
In a better light.
Don’t judge me , this how I handle it.
Better than doing something stupid
Like really stupid , a decision that I will regret.
Don’t know what will come next.
Hope for the best
I guess.....

Not listening to the same song

I am always so worried how Im going to  be seen.
Feel like I have to explain to them what I mean.
Didn’t hear me the first time or the second or the third.
Only when it matters to you, that’s when I am heard.
Not how that works buddy, someone told you wrong.
Just because I have headphones, I ain’t listening to the same song.
The more I say how I feel , more that people just move on.
At that case , I just let them go.
Where will they end up ? I don’t know.
I just know what I know.
Can’t really speak for the next person.
Not my job really to do the work for them.
They got there moment and I got mine.
Only matter of time.
Till then I  still got more rhymes.
After all, I have to express what’s in my mind.