It’s what I wanted to say but I couldn’t

Why do I care so much about you?
Why do I care about what you do?
I didn’t see that I needed to pay attention.
How I blew up on you and saw your reaction.
How I saw that I wanted it all to end.
It would have definitely affect my family and friends.
Yes ,I did say I did not want to be in a relationship.
My feeling had stayed the same and now it’s all just bullshit.
Time doesn’t wait for anyone and especially me.
Another Tragedy
Can’t really take too many of these.
C-Virus already causes me much of my anxiety.
Dying on the inside, chest pain Is really sharp.
Behind that chest is a broken heart .
But that’s because I never did express,
What came next.
I don’t feel like jynex
Instead I feel like Steven.
No this is not a plan to get even.
I can’t do that to you or myself.
For me at the moment there is nothing left.
I don’t have a back up plan .
Right now myself I don’t even understand.
I’m not sure if I ever will.
Still....


I figure I should write  this down because I don’t think I will able to say this again.
It hurts too much to sleep. It hurts too much for me to be happy for you .
It’s hurt that I am affected whole heartily by this and there is nothing I can do but cry and accept it and try not to do anything dumb.  I can’t talk to you there because if I were him , that would be straight up disrespectful and I’m not trying to do that . It may not mean anything but I still do have feelings even though things have change but now I don’t think I can ever love anyone like I did before.